For many students, school relationships are a crucial part of their development – not just academically, but socially and emotionally, too. Whether it’s friendships with their peers, support from teachers, or broader interactions with school staff, positive relationships in school contribute to a student’s ability to focus, engage, and feel a sense of belonging.
But what happens when these relationships break down – or don’t form at all? While many students do thrive in traditional classroom environments, others can struggle – often silently – when relationships become a source of anxiety or exclusion.
In this blog, I want to explore why school relationships are so important, what can go wrong, and what parents and carers can do when things aren’t working. I’ll also offer my perspective on how a supportive online learning environment may be the right alternative for students who are struggling.
The importance of positive relationships in school
When relationships go well in school, they give students something incredibly valuable: trust. Many children and young people need time, stability, and a sense of safety to engage fully with both their learning and the wider school community.
Positive relationships with peers help to develop:
- Communication and social skills
- Empathy and emotional understanding
- A sense of identity and belonging
- Resilience through teamwork and friendship
Similarly, positive relationships with adults in school – whether it’s a trusted form tutor, a teaching assistant, or a pastoral lead – give students confidence, encouragement, and a safe space to talk when things get tough.
When these relationships go wrong, they can do damage.
Unfortunately, not all school experiences are positive. In some cases, misunderstanding, conflict, bullying, or emotional isolation from peers can cause real distress.
The breakdown of relationships in schools can lead to a range of issues, including:
- Low self-esteem and withdrawal
- School refusal or avoidance
- Loss of interest in learning
- Increased anxiety or poor mental wellbeing
- Distrust in adults or authority figures
It’s important to remember that for many students, these issues don’t appear overnight – they build over time. School relationship challenges, if unresolved, can not only harm wellbeing but also impact long-term confidence, attendance, and academic progress.
I’ve met many parents who feel stuck – knowing something isn’t working for their child but unsure how to intervene or where to turn for alternatives.
What the research says
There’s growing recognition that schools need to offer more support around relationships. In 2024, the Department for Education issued revised draft guidance on relationships and sex education highlighted that while schools are legally required to teach about healthy and unhealthy relationships, many are still not equipped to handle the conversations or real-life challenges these topics raise.
A 2025 study by the Youth Endowment Fund found that teachers often lack the training and time to address the complex issues involved in supporting students with emotional or relationship difficulties- whether it’s friendship breakdown, conflict, or peer pressure.
Schools are incredibly busy environments, and while many do amazing work, it’s easy for quieter students – or those struggling beneath the surface – to slip through the cracks.
What can parents do if school relationships become a problem?
If your child is struggling with friendships, conflict, or emotional wellbeing at school, here are some steps you can take:
1. Reach out to the school early
You are your child’s best advocate. If something doesn’t feel right, reach out to the school and request a meeting with staff – this might be a form tutor, Head of Year, or member of the pastoral team.
Ask specific questions:
- How is my child interacting with peers?
- Are there any behavioural or emotional concerns?
- What support is available for social or emotional challenges?
Many schools have access to counselling services, SEND support, or mentoring programmes – but these are often only initiated once a parent raises a concern.
2. Ask about wellbeing support
Some schools run mental health ambassador schemes, peer mentoring programmes, or targeted PSHE sessions around healthy relationships and social skills. If these are not offered, ask if they can be considered – or explore external support in your local area.
At TLC LIVE Online School, we run ‘Wellbeing Wednesdays’, which include PSHE, reflection activities, and 1:1 mentoring sessions for students. This gives students regular space to talk about personal or emotional challenges – and helps build resilience and connection in a more structured, calm way.
3. Keep communication open at home
If your child is struggling with school relationships, they may not always be ready to talk. Create small daily check-ins that feel safe, open, and judgement-free. Rather than asking direct questions like “Did you make any friends today?” try:
- “How was your day – anything make you smile or feel frustrated?”
- “Who did you sit with in class today?”
- “Was there anything tricky or surprising about today?”
Over time, these soft conversations can give you helpful insight without overwhelming your child or making them feel pressured.
Could online learning be a better fit for some students?
While I believe that schools can be fantastic places for young people to build relationships, I’ve also seen what happens when things don’t improve – and the toll that takes on students.
For some children, particularly those with high anxiety, social difficulties, or previous trauma around peer dynamics, the traditional school environment may no longer feel safe or supportive. In those cases, online school can offer a powerful alternative.
At TLC LIVE Online School, we see students flourish when they’re placed in small online classes, where the pressure of ‘fitting in’ is reduced, and every child is seen and supported as an individual.
The benefits include:
- Calm, quiet environment to focus
- No playground politics or social anxiety
- Regular one-on-one encouragement from teachers
- Structured pastoral support integrated into the week
- A stronger sense of control and safety
We still focus strongly on relationship-building – but in a way that prioritises each student’s readiness and wellbeing. Many of our pupils come to us from backgrounds of school avoidance or anxiety linked to difficult peer relationships, and we work with families to rebuild that sense of connection and emotional security.
Final thoughts
Relationships are at the heart of every good school experience – but it’s important to acknowledge that not every relationship will be positive, and not every challenge can be overcome in one setting.
If your child is showing signs of distress, disconnection, or anxiety linked to school relationships, trust your instincts. Speak with their current school, ask about support, and don’t be afraid to explore alternative options if things don’t improve.
Children need to learn how to navigate relationships, develop resilience, and build trust – but they also need to feel safe while doing it.
At TLC LIVE Online School, we’re here to offer that safety, structure, and support – alongside a flexible learning model that gives each child the space to thrive.
If you’re considering switching to an online school and want to learn more about how we could support your child, get in touch with our team today.