Emotionally based school avoidance (EBSA) is something many families are experiencing, often without knowing exactly what it is or where to turn for support.
If your child finds it hard-or impossible to attend school due to anxiety, distress, or persistent worry, you’re not alone. A survey undertaken for the youth mental health charity stem4, found that across the UK almost three in 10 secondary pupils are avoiding going to school because doing so would make them anxious.
While EBSA is becoming more widely recognised among schools, educators, and parents, it remains deeply challenging for families trying to support an anxious or emotionally overwhelmed child.
Understanding what school anxiety and EBSA are – and why a different approach to learning can help – can be the first step toward rebuilding confidence and re-engaging with education.
What is emotionally based school avoidance?
Emotionally based school avoidance describes a pattern where a child or teenager struggles to go to school due to emotional difficulties. It may start with tearful mornings or anxiety at drop-off and progress to the point where a child can’t leave the house when it’s time for school.
While it’s sometimes referred to as “school refusal,” many families and professionals prefer EBSA, which better reflects the underlying emotional distress rather than placing blame on the child.
The signs of EBSA can vary. Some common ones include:
- Persistent complaints of physical illness (like headaches or stomach aches) on school mornings
- Panic or anxiety attacks before or during the school run
- Refusing to get dressed, leave the house, or attend lessons
- Reassurance-seeking behaviours and difficulty separating from parents or carers
- Low attendance and rising levels of school-related stress
It’s important to know that EBSA or school anxiety is not a parenting failure, or a sign that your child is being deliberately difficult. It is, quite simply, a sign of distress – and just like with other forms of anxiety, it often makes children feel stuck and misunderstood.
Common causes of school anxiety and EBSA
The reasons for school avoidance are different for every child, and often there are a combination of factors at play.
Some of the more common causes include:
- Anxiety disorders, including generalised anxiety, social anxiety, or separation anxiety
- Sensory overwhelm (often linked to neurodiversity such as autism or ADHD)
- Experiences of bullying or peer conflict
- Difficulties with relationships at school
- Feeling unsupported, misunderstood or under pressure academically
- Changes at home or school, such as bereavement, illness, or a move
In some cases, the root cause can be hard to pinpoint, particularly if a child finds it difficult to identify or talk about what they’re feeling. But at its core, EBSA is about a young person perceiving the school environment as emotionally unsafe or overwhelming.
How EBSA affects school life
For children experiencing EBSA, every school day can feel like climbing a mountain. Even routines like getting ready in the morning or stepping into a classroom can feel daunting.
This can affect:
- Academic progress: frequent absences often lead to gaps in learning.
- Mental health: school-related distress can become chronic if not addressed.
- Confidence and self-esteem: students may feel like they’re “failing” when they can’t meet expectations.
- Friendships and social development: falling out of the school routine can lead to social isolation.
Parents, too, are often significantly affected-juggling work, advocating for support, and managing the overall impact on family life. It’s exhausting, and without the right guidance, many families feel unsure where to turn.
Why some families consider online learning
For some students experiencing EBSA, particularly when school-based interventions aren’t working or attendance is at a standstill, online learning – especially in the form of flexible online schooling or tutoring – can offer a manageable way forward.
While it isn’t the answer for every situation, for many families it allows learning to continue in a way that’s less emotionally demanding.
At TLC LIVE, we’ve seen students start to re-engage with education after months (or sometimes years) of struggling to attend mainstream schooling.
Some of the elements that can help include:
- A calmer learning environment: Learning from home removes many of the everyday stressors that can feed into EBSA: crowded corridors; noisy classrooms; strict schedules; and social pressures. For many students, having a quiet, familiar environment helps reduce anxiety and makes it easier to focus on the actual learning.
- Smaller class sizes: Our online KS3 and GCSE classes at TLC LIVE Online School are capped at nine students, which allows for greater individual support and creates a sense of safety and routine. For students who have felt lost or overwhelmed in large classrooms, this can make a big difference.
- No pressure to be on camera: TLC LIVE Online School does not use webcams during live lessons (except for an initial registration check). This is often a huge relief for students with social anxiety or those who feel self-conscious, as it removes the pressure to perform visually and lets them engage at their own comfort level.
- Structured but flexible learning: Online learning provides structure and consistency, which can be very reassuring for anxious students. At the same time, it allows for flexibility – so students can make progress without being pushed faster than they are emotionally ready for.
- Rebuilding confidence over time: Perhaps most importantly, online learning gives students the space to rebuild trust in themselves as learners. When the school environment causes distress, it’s easy for students to start doubting their abilities or withdrawing altogether. A supportive, lower pressure learning space can help them reconnect with learning- on their own terms.
Looking ahead
If your child is experiencing persistent school avoidance or school anxiety, it’s worth remembering that there are different paths to a meaningful education. With the right support, most students can recover their confidence, learn successfully, and develop the skills they need to move forward.
Online schooling isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach-but for some students, particularly those suffering from anxiety and overwhelm, it can provide a gentler, more manageable way to stay engaged. It can also buy time while students, families and professionals work together to address underlying needs.
Whether you’re just beginning to explore alternatives or already considering online provision, understanding EBSA is the first step to helping your child feel seen, heard, and supported.
You’re not alone – and there is support available.
By Ryan Lockett, Headteacher, TLC LIVE Online School
Learn more about TLC LIVE Online School